So here we are

My home is now moved.

Me and Tim lives in Stockholm in a rather large house, atm by our selves since my mother and her man is away for some weeks \o/
Friday started with me and my mom packing as much as we could. Saturday I had the laundry room from 8 in the morning to the morning after, when not doing laundry we were packing and organising more boxes.
On the Sunday my brother arrived at around 11 something and we started moving all the stuff in to a HUGE truck, everything fitted in it and woooosh away to Stockholm we went.
The truck did not have AC and it was 32 degrees in the shade = Fucking hot in the sun!
At 13 something we arrived at my moms home and the unloading went really smooth =)

Since I came here I have spent most of my time in the sun on the balcony relaxing.
Night time we had bbq and again relaxing =P

Atm I’m on my way soon to se my very best friend, then we will go to one of the large shopping centres that are close by and get our self’s a nice wine to drink this evening and something to eat, all I can think is Gief more bbq stuffs =P

Last night I had the most wonderful dream *purrs*
Your bluegreen eyes (that looks like a tropical water sparkling in the sun) looking in to mine, your smile and your muscular body with that sweet tan of yours in my hands. Loving hugs, honest smiles, tender kisses and our eyes just looking to one anothers.. it was just Cute and lovely.
Must be like soon 12 years something since I saw you and we never had anything going on and never will have but tonight you repaired a part of my soul with your presence. For some hours, even though it was only a dream and something that will never happen, I felt liked and possible loved by a nice person.
Your name is Nicolas and I don’t even know where you live anymore, it doesn’t matter really ^.^ your kiiiind of old now haha ;)
I will keep you as I remember you from when you were around 25 isch and I was just a tiny little girl,

Some day in the future I will stop playing the game of pain and hopefully find a man that likes me and treats me right.
I’m sick and tired of all the fucktards out here in this world that only care about them self’s and non els.
People say it’s there loss.. but it sure doesn’t feel that way when you get let down every single time!? Why does people have such a hard time loving others then them self?

The land of sheep’s

Been away for five days in England, between the 16-21th july. Started our trip here from Nyköping Wednesday evening, went with the very very blue plane again from Skavsta airport to Liverpool, when we landed in Liverpool Tim was there to se us at the airport and guild us to Manchester =)
He fixed a lovely dinner and I got to taste strawberry beer and to my surprise it was very tasty so tasty that I will se if its possible to order it to Sweden hehe, not that I drink often but if I do it must be something I really like.

The day after we went in to central Manchester and had lunch and some drinks with Sarah and Jasper, very nice to se the crazy persons irl ^.^ *loves*

After a nice meal we went to the train station to try and find a Fredric that was arriving from Holland, fast hugs with Sarah and Jasper before we had to jump on a train and begin our trip to Wales were we were to spend the next days in Tims house.

Several hours later and me sleeping in strange positions we arrived at Wales and what was the first thing you se? SHEEP'S!!!! Everywhere sheeps, fluffy cute monsters! (Yes yes I know we have sheep's in Sweden buuuuut they were just so many and so cute and so close)
So the 4 of us started walking to Tims house, we saw it from the train station up on a little hill.. that Little hill on the other hand was the evilz, almost killed me it did *nods* god I’m so happy I will start to workout soon.
The house was so pretty and cute! After sometime the other 4 persons arrived, Chris, Sarah (another Sarah aka Mirrain), Andrew and “Sapkira” (cant remember your name atm since my brain went to bed some hours ago).

The 8 of us spended our days with relaxing, eating Really good food, drinking, playing Munchkin Cthulhu, giggeling a lot, scaring the locals, spending way to much money in the little store on cakes and random good stuff.
We did some walking outside aswell hehe =P
I on the otherhand was laying in bed when the major trip was taken with huge tummy pains, that sucked major balls! But I was friendly with the bathtub and the bed for some hours instead while they were torturing there bodies haha.

Could have stayed there forever and ever it was really so nice and just perfect in everyway.

Hope this is something we will do again ^.^

Oooooh and when we arrived back in Manchester I got to se my favourite Paul also, this made the trip even more perfect!

He had some Salt and Vinegar crisps for me haha =) we don’t have that flavour in Sweden and it sucks because it’s the best *nods*
A movie for little Tim aaaand a CD for me that I had forgot, made me very very very happy!

But mostly to get a hug (or several haha) was the best part *huge huggles*

<3

Arrrrgh?!

Don’t think I’m sad at this point I feel mostly angry.

Though this morning I had thoughts so dark and disgusting while lying in my bed. Will never tell anyone about those, they were mine and mine only.

Atm I’m in Major pains and I wright as a try to focus my pains away, used to pain, for years now I had to deal with this tummy pains that would make a normal person break down in tears and despair.
*Takes slow and deep breaths*

My next trip to England is closing in \o/ the 16-21 th this month I’m off to Wales! Something nice to focus on =)
When I get home it will be time to pack all stuffs up in boxes and prepare for moving to Stockholm, this is done with very mixed feelings but what the hell..

Things can’t really get that much worse, maybe a different kind of hell but I been there for so long that *shrugs* doesn’t feel like it matters no more what I do stuff goes there anyways.

Sooooo If you want a date with me I’ll se you in Hell? *passes out invitation cards*

*Is at this point a bit hyper on adrenalin from tummy pains*

I’ll go and get coffee now instead lol

*kisses*

Dance

Of the Moon and the Sun

Late this night the moon and the sun had a long dance.

When the sun exploded in feelings so negative and self hating that the eclipse was almost a fact.

The calm beautiful moon rice’s and takes control over the situation, with caring words of true honesty.

Words to soothe, inspire, comfort, boost and kick in the ass.

Telling the sun that it needs to shine again, the world would not want to miss out of the light it brings with it’s smile.

So here I am and I made you a promise that I intend to keep.

At this time in the day I’m really broken and tears fall down my chins, hopelessness, emptiness and despair fills my very essence. Trying to collect the broken pieces of my self again.
Don’t get me wrong it is a good thing. I need to open up from time to time and every time I have to battle with my self I do win a small battle. But it is always hard and afterwards when I’m tired it’s hard to be strong.

Time to flex those muscles and smile babes! And if you smile with me it will be easier

Don’t know if you can understand how much your honesty is worth but I think you do, and I value your words highly. Thanks a lot for caring.

*gets some gas out and ignites the sunshine*

<3

// The Sun

Fragile

You've been biting bullets all these years, I know
There beside yourself, choking back tears
And you aced avoiding possibility
When you made your bed upon the bittersweet

Oh now don't you worry
There's no need to be sorry
There's still time to step lightly

Cos the love you used to feel is still in there, inside
It may be the faded photograph, the lock of hair, don't hide
If you're scared, I'm here to hold you,
If you get lost I'm here to guide you
Love is peace when peace is fragile
Love is all the good in you that still remains
Love is peace when peace is fragile

You've been going out of way to agree
Like you've been rubbing yourself all wrong just to be somebody else's genie
Catering to your disasters every need
Waiting to finally be set free

"Poets of the fall - Fragile"