Form of happyness?

In what shape and coulor does happyness come in?
I would really like to know so I know what to look for, since I havent found it yet I might miss it as it passes by.

Life likes to piss in my footstepps it seems.. Atm I think I'll just jump and hope I land in a better spot.

Tired like mad on my life that seems to be ticking but I do not notice it.. I'm floating around and nothing happens. Living my days of just hoping they passes fast so I can go to sleep and another day of this life is over and done with.

Things really doesnt get better with the fact that I have close to no money and I dont have a coat for the winter because I lost mine sometime ago.. dont know when >.<
My right shoe has a hole under it so when it gets wet outside I get a nice cold swimmingpool in it \o/ fucking Awsome!

Negative thoughts *check*

Think I'll go take a bath now and atleast be happy with that I will no longer freeze indoors, until I go out of the bath that is =P

*rawrs*!!!!!

Lina: Over and out *bites*

Update time.. I guess?!

The trip to England was nice, the wedding was oh so cute and met alot of really nice people while I was there.
Got to walk around a bit, se lovely places and the Sun was shining all the time I was there =D woho!

I got my self some uber sexy flyingsocks (grand mom style) that helped \o/ so my feet/leg was not totaly destroyed this time from flying.

Travel to england from skavsta to where I was going took around 12 h >.< was Kind of dead when I returned home around 03 in the night..

Had a sms from Alexandra on my phone, telling me that she had done some changed to my flat and that she hoped I would not get angry.

This made me a bit nervous as I putted my key in the lock here at home... but I found my home to be totaly cleaned, they had redone all wires in the flat, decorated Tims room, went to IKEA and got lots of cute stuffs to his room (including 54!!! froggs that now lives on his doors in his room haha).
Words can not describe how much it ment to me what they did... It was the kindest and nicest thing Anyone ever done to me <3

Me and Tim have a new cat.. it is Tims cat (sort of =P) he named her Elise and she is soooo sweet and cuddely! She likes to lick my face when I sit infront of the computer (while sitting on my keyboard) when she isnt licking my face she likes to hunt my mount or anything that moves on the screen =P
She sleeps next to me during the nights and has a tiny tiny voice ^.^ It's love!

This weekend that was I got invited to go on a cruice and it was really nice and fun... hillarious ppl was on the boat and I laughed alot!
Horrible pictures of me is ofc included as a punishment *nods* Ppl shouldnt be allowed to take pictures of anyone but them selfs =P


*huggles*

A little update on what happend since last time =)

Time to go to England!

Woho!! Now it is only like 1 ½ days left until I go to england :P

Will leave my appartment at 5 in the morning on tuesday /wrists and travel first to Nyköping to take the Ryanair flight to Burmingham then trains to get to Sheiffield.

Is gonna be picked up at the trainstation by someone nice ^.^
I'm just a Tiiiiiny bit exited *bounces*

Atm I'm trying to do everything at once and fail totaly O.o

What I need to do is....

* Kitchen = Hell and needs some serious cleaning >.< * Livingroom = Tim and Murv's hell but they are not there to fix it so me needs to take controll over the demons in there to... * My room = Put new bedthingys in the bed so its nice and clean when I get home (Done!) * Vaccume the entire flat + and wash floors.. is the easy part =P * Packing... Made list for my self, but Tim talked to me so not sure I got everything on it >.<>..<>

<3>

Mixed

In a blender. Round and round it goes. Up and down all the time.

Somedays I feel fine, even Happy. Mostly I feel like Shit, but tries anyways.

Get to sleep and manage to work a day then find my self not sleeping more then a few mins here and there the next, drained of energy to do anything.

Someone really close to me is slipping away... I miss you and this breaks my heart and makes me feel lonly.

Happy heart, sad body and a brain that sais maybe. At nights I sometimes gets to dream nice things, then the nightmares return.

Next week I will fix things...

I need to sleep to not look like I'm using drugs on my new passport.
I need to cut and colour my hair so I dont look like crap.

I need to go and get a nice material to make a dress for the wedding I'm going to in August.

I need to call and see WTF is going on with Tims school situation because it's now in the middle of July, school starts in less then a month and he doesnt have one yet... since the school he went to say they cant take him.

There is alot of other needs I have but they are inside of me and I dont want to share them with you...

I need You!

I Love You

So very few ppl are allowed close to my heart at this point in my life.

I keep you like my treasures and I love you to death, so it really breaks my heart when I find you slipping away from me.

It happens everytime so I should not be supriced and it should not hurt this much, I should be used to it by now?
When you find a new love I fall in to the zone of non existing. But now you know I'm in a very bad state of mind and still you do the same with forgetting me.
Ofc you can make other plannes, ofc you might change your mind and want to se me another day but is it to much to ask that you actually call me and tell me that the plannes were changed, or atleast send a text to my phone or skype =(
Your my nr 1 person in this world <3 your a part of my foundation and the only one I'm happy to call my famely (even though your really not by blood).

Ah well I guess it's only to wait it out... I want you to be happy and I am happy that you found someone that makes you feel really good.
That seems to treat you the way that you deserve, because you deserve the best and nothing els!

It's really good that I allso have someone that makes me smile and tells me that I'm not allowed to be sad.
Makes me forget the pain inside and keeps my brain filled with nice thoughts =)

I will go to England in August =D I have been promised to be well taken cared of but I'm still scared and nervous and it will only get worse the closer it gets ^.^

Okey so now I need to eat ... I havent done that today yet. Havent sleept today eighter more then a few mins at the time from around 6 this morning to now...

The final words of my update on this blog that I really forget from time to time is ...

I miss you but I'm happy that you found love, I just wish I could be there to share it with you a little <3
I love you for getting me to smile, putting nice thoughts in my head and keeping me company <3

<3<3

I miss you!

Your slipping true my fingers and I find my self feeling more and more on my own without any love around me.

The sun is shining but in my heart a cold wind is blowing, I need you and I dont want to loose you =(
Spend my days outside to try and distance my self from all of my thoughts, but it's hard and it doesnt get better with time ... my mind still wander off your way and the tears soon fall again.
I love you I really do. Do not think you know how much or care for that matter.
Soon it will be time to let you go if we can not change this around ... it's not good for me that you do not show me attention anymore, love, time ... I need that!

Time to recharge my self again ... out in the sun with me and put the radio on and try and make my thoughts drown in the words of good wrighters.

<3