Loves to love..

But again my brain ghosts starts to spook me.

Dont want anyone els, your the one I really love with all my heart but your love feels so far away and your mouth laugh more at me then with me, your words are not filled with cuteness and fluffy clouds like mine =P I often put a filter on my self, so I wont feel stupid when I tell you how much I like you. You love me in your way but sometimes I wish you loved me like I love you <3

You have my heart and soul babe.

Oooopsie!

Oh holy goat, time just did a speed race and updates were not made forever here =P

I sometimes read stuffs online that makes me feel good about my self. Selfish ppl that just care about them self and not their child/children. Have written before that I'm not the best mother around but it does feel good to know that I'm far better then Allot of other ppl ;)

Tim has now gotten his diagnose (ADHD and Autism) and it feels good to have it on paper so I now got legal rights for him to get more help. Buuuut when I finally got the papers after all this years it felt like I hit a wall of "Omfg what now?!" I have been fighting for this for so long and now I don’t know what to do with it hahaha silly world.

What about my self then exept for beeing a mother of a wonderful and exiting son.

Struggling a bit with getting help for my self and I find my self in the same position as above with Tim, I got a diagnose now (ADD) but erm what the hell to do with it O.o Where do I turn, do they turn to me, what rights do I got now, can I get the help I want now or do I have to wait for something else to happen... bleh!
All papers and websites are made for fucking geniuses with doctors education, I don’t understand a single bit of it >.<
My goals now is to try and make em give me a 75% work somewhere and have 25% assistance payment for Tim since he still will have a lot of meetings and doctors appointments to attend I know I would feel bad against a employer to have to leave early several times a week, but if I got a 75% work I can book meetings for Tim after my work has ended =) *thumbs up*
I want to have this work thing fixed before the summer has ended, I'm so uber tired of being home and not have anything to do... some ppl might find it silly for me to say that but seriously I don’t got money to do anything fun so all I do is sit at home and do Nothing... to be doing nothing gets boring Really fast!

The sun is shining on to our city again and Woho it's so nice! At this moment Tim is getting dressed at school to start walking home so I'm going to pack my blanket and cold drinks and go and meet him ½ way then go to a park and sit in the sun and just enjoy that it's warm and nice outside.
Sun block on *check*. Cheating son doesn’t need it, he is already all brown and fanzy looking... couldn’t he have given me Sooome of his pigments while being in my tummy... just a tiny bit!? Sneaky basterd!! ;P

*huge huggles to ppl who deserve it*
(yea prolly got like 10000000 spelling errors here but don’t got time to check it atm since I'm going Out now)

Form of happyness?

In what shape and coulor does happyness come in?
I would really like to know so I know what to look for, since I havent found it yet I might miss it as it passes by.

Life likes to piss in my footstepps it seems.. Atm I think I'll just jump and hope I land in a better spot.

Tired like mad on my life that seems to be ticking but I do not notice it.. I'm floating around and nothing happens. Living my days of just hoping they passes fast so I can go to sleep and another day of this life is over and done with.

Things really doesnt get better with the fact that I have close to no money and I dont have a coat for the winter because I lost mine sometime ago.. dont know when >.<
My right shoe has a hole under it so when it gets wet outside I get a nice cold swimmingpool in it \o/ fucking Awsome!

Negative thoughts *check*

Think I'll go take a bath now and atleast be happy with that I will no longer freeze indoors, until I go out of the bath that is =P

*rawrs*!!!!!

Lina: Over and out *bites*

Update time.. I guess?!

The trip to England was nice, the wedding was oh so cute and met alot of really nice people while I was there.
Got to walk around a bit, se lovely places and the Sun was shining all the time I was there =D woho!

I got my self some uber sexy flyingsocks (grand mom style) that helped \o/ so my feet/leg was not totaly destroyed this time from flying.

Travel to england from skavsta to where I was going took around 12 h >.< was Kind of dead when I returned home around 03 in the night..

Had a sms from Alexandra on my phone, telling me that she had done some changed to my flat and that she hoped I would not get angry.

This made me a bit nervous as I putted my key in the lock here at home... but I found my home to be totaly cleaned, they had redone all wires in the flat, decorated Tims room, went to IKEA and got lots of cute stuffs to his room (including 54!!! froggs that now lives on his doors in his room haha).
Words can not describe how much it ment to me what they did... It was the kindest and nicest thing Anyone ever done to me <3

Me and Tim have a new cat.. it is Tims cat (sort of =P) he named her Elise and she is soooo sweet and cuddely! She likes to lick my face when I sit infront of the computer (while sitting on my keyboard) when she isnt licking my face she likes to hunt my mount or anything that moves on the screen =P
She sleeps next to me during the nights and has a tiny tiny voice ^.^ It's love!

This weekend that was I got invited to go on a cruice and it was really nice and fun... hillarious ppl was on the boat and I laughed alot!
Horrible pictures of me is ofc included as a punishment *nods* Ppl shouldnt be allowed to take pictures of anyone but them selfs =P


*huggles*

A little update on what happend since last time =)

Time to go to England!

Woho!! Now it is only like 1 ½ days left until I go to england :P

Will leave my appartment at 5 in the morning on tuesday /wrists and travel first to Nyköping to take the Ryanair flight to Burmingham then trains to get to Sheiffield.

Is gonna be picked up at the trainstation by someone nice ^.^
I'm just a Tiiiiiny bit exited *bounces*

Atm I'm trying to do everything at once and fail totaly O.o

What I need to do is....

* Kitchen = Hell and needs some serious cleaning >.< * Livingroom = Tim and Murv's hell but they are not there to fix it so me needs to take controll over the demons in there to... * My room = Put new bedthingys in the bed so its nice and clean when I get home (Done!) * Vaccume the entire flat + and wash floors.. is the easy part =P * Packing... Made list for my self, but Tim talked to me so not sure I got everything on it >.<>..<>

<3>

Mixed

In a blender. Round and round it goes. Up and down all the time.

Somedays I feel fine, even Happy. Mostly I feel like Shit, but tries anyways.

Get to sleep and manage to work a day then find my self not sleeping more then a few mins here and there the next, drained of energy to do anything.

Someone really close to me is slipping away... I miss you and this breaks my heart and makes me feel lonly.

Happy heart, sad body and a brain that sais maybe. At nights I sometimes gets to dream nice things, then the nightmares return.

Next week I will fix things...

I need to sleep to not look like I'm using drugs on my new passport.
I need to cut and colour my hair so I dont look like crap.

I need to go and get a nice material to make a dress for the wedding I'm going to in August.

I need to call and see WTF is going on with Tims school situation because it's now in the middle of July, school starts in less then a month and he doesnt have one yet... since the school he went to say they cant take him.

There is alot of other needs I have but they are inside of me and I dont want to share them with you...

I need You!

I Love You

So very few ppl are allowed close to my heart at this point in my life.

I keep you like my treasures and I love you to death, so it really breaks my heart when I find you slipping away from me.

It happens everytime so I should not be supriced and it should not hurt this much, I should be used to it by now?
When you find a new love I fall in to the zone of non existing. But now you know I'm in a very bad state of mind and still you do the same with forgetting me.
Ofc you can make other plannes, ofc you might change your mind and want to se me another day but is it to much to ask that you actually call me and tell me that the plannes were changed, or atleast send a text to my phone or skype =(
Your my nr 1 person in this world <3 your a part of my foundation and the only one I'm happy to call my famely (even though your really not by blood).

Ah well I guess it's only to wait it out... I want you to be happy and I am happy that you found someone that makes you feel really good.
That seems to treat you the way that you deserve, because you deserve the best and nothing els!

It's really good that I allso have someone that makes me smile and tells me that I'm not allowed to be sad.
Makes me forget the pain inside and keeps my brain filled with nice thoughts =)

I will go to England in August =D I have been promised to be well taken cared of but I'm still scared and nervous and it will only get worse the closer it gets ^.^

Okey so now I need to eat ... I havent done that today yet. Havent sleept today eighter more then a few mins at the time from around 6 this morning to now...

The final words of my update on this blog that I really forget from time to time is ...

I miss you but I'm happy that you found love, I just wish I could be there to share it with you a little <3
I love you for getting me to smile, putting nice thoughts in my head and keeping me company <3

<3<3