Mixed

In a blender. Round and round it goes. Up and down all the time.

Somedays I feel fine, even Happy. Mostly I feel like Shit, but tries anyways.

Get to sleep and manage to work a day then find my self not sleeping more then a few mins here and there the next, drained of energy to do anything.

Someone really close to me is slipping away... I miss you and this breaks my heart and makes me feel lonly.

Happy heart, sad body and a brain that sais maybe. At nights I sometimes gets to dream nice things, then the nightmares return.

Next week I will fix things...

I need to sleep to not look like I'm using drugs on my new passport.
I need to cut and colour my hair so I dont look like crap.

I need to go and get a nice material to make a dress for the wedding I'm going to in August.

I need to call and see WTF is going on with Tims school situation because it's now in the middle of July, school starts in less then a month and he doesnt have one yet... since the school he went to say they cant take him.

There is alot of other needs I have but they are inside of me and I dont want to share them with you...

I need You!

I Love You

So very few ppl are allowed close to my heart at this point in my life.

I keep you like my treasures and I love you to death, so it really breaks my heart when I find you slipping away from me.

It happens everytime so I should not be supriced and it should not hurt this much, I should be used to it by now?
When you find a new love I fall in to the zone of non existing. But now you know I'm in a very bad state of mind and still you do the same with forgetting me.
Ofc you can make other plannes, ofc you might change your mind and want to se me another day but is it to much to ask that you actually call me and tell me that the plannes were changed, or atleast send a text to my phone or skype =(
Your my nr 1 person in this world <3 your a part of my foundation and the only one I'm happy to call my famely (even though your really not by blood).

Ah well I guess it's only to wait it out... I want you to be happy and I am happy that you found someone that makes you feel really good.
That seems to treat you the way that you deserve, because you deserve the best and nothing els!

It's really good that I allso have someone that makes me smile and tells me that I'm not allowed to be sad.
Makes me forget the pain inside and keeps my brain filled with nice thoughts =)

I will go to England in August =D I have been promised to be well taken cared of but I'm still scared and nervous and it will only get worse the closer it gets ^.^

Okey so now I need to eat ... I havent done that today yet. Havent sleept today eighter more then a few mins at the time from around 6 this morning to now...

The final words of my update on this blog that I really forget from time to time is ...

I miss you but I'm happy that you found love, I just wish I could be there to share it with you a little <3
I love you for getting me to smile, putting nice thoughts in my head and keeping me company <3

<3<3